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एक बार एक बूढा आदमी अपने दोस्त से बोला।

बूढा: तुझे पता है मैं 70 साल का होने के बावजूद आज भी सेक्स करने में 2 घंटे 40 मिनट और 10 सेकंड का समय लगाता हूँ।

दोस्त: अबे जा तुझे चूतिया बनाने के लिए कोई और नहीं मिला क्या?

दोस्त: नहीं सच में।

दोस्त: अच्छा वो कैसे?

बूढा: 40 मिनट खडा करने में, 10 सेकंड चोदने में और चोदने के बाद 2 घंटे होश में आने में।

Share Bazaar

बॉम्बे शेयर बाज़ार के पुरुष शौचालय में लिखा था;

कुछ देर पकड़ कर रखो, यह ज़रूर बढेगा।

Makeup

Girls Put makeup, lots of creams, sexy perfumes and they make the best hairstyle EVER.
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Finally guys look at them and say:
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Bhenchod GAAN DEKH SAALI Ki........

The Key

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The KEY", where a small key is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Key".

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the key and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the key and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the key won't get rid of them."


The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."




She said, "No point asking about the beard then..........."

Conversation

Do buzurg aapas main baat kar rahe the


Old man 1- my hands shake so badly that i always cut my face while shaving

Old man 2- thts nothing broda my hands shakes so terribely that i masturbated twice while pissing yesterday....

Pyaasi Ladki ki shayari

Tod Kar Ye Sari Duniya Ke Bandhan Aur Asool,
Main Aaj Teri Baahon Mein Aana Chahti Hun,

Bhul Ke Sharm Aaj Tere Badan Se Lipat Kar,
Apne Hoth Tere Hotho Se Milana Chahti Hun,

Utaar Ke Apne Makhmali Tan Se Saare Kapde,
Mein Aaj Tere Bister Ko Sajaana Chahti Hun.

Dikka Kar Tujhe Apni Chhati Ka Haseen Nazara,
Usey Aaaj Tere Hathon Se Dabwana Chahti Hun.

Aaj Apni Dono Taangon Ko Khol Kar Thoda Sa,
Tumhe Apni Sharm-Gah Dikhana Chahti Hun.

Meri Sharm-Gah Ko Sehlana Apni Zuban Se,
Iska Lutff Main Bhi Aaj Uthana Chahti Hun.

Mujhe Tum Bistar Pe Leja Kar Ragad Daalo,
Kyuki Aaj Mein Sirf Chudwana Chahti Hun

Faansi Ki Saja

Mujrim Ko Fansi Ki Saja Sunane Ke Baad Judge Ne Us Se Puchha


Judge: “Koi Akhiri Khawish?”


Mujrim: “Aap Ki Beti Se Shaadi, Blackbery Bold, Apple I-Phone, 100 Crore Rupaye, U.S.A Ka Visa, 2 Saal Ka Honeymoon Trip, 6-7 Bacche Jo Aapko Nana-Nana Aur Mujhe Papa-Papa Kahe, Aur Main Unki Shaadi Karwa Doon, Uske Baad Aap Jo Bhi Faisla Doge Mujhe Manjoor Hoga”


Judge Zor Se Haste Hue Bola: “Muh Mein Le Le Mera Sale, Meri Koi Beti Hi Nahi Hai, Taang Do Madarch0d Ko Abhi Ke Abhi“

Pranab - Bangali President

Pranab dada will need to improve his Hindi.

Otherwise he will continue to call himself the 'Raasta-potty of India'

Economic Equalizer

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan" All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED. The professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.     Could not be any simpler than that.
================================================================================================== These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read....  and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

and most importantly.....
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Real Meaning of Bhosadi Ke

"BHOSADI KE"

It may surprise you to know that the origin of the phrase "BHOSADIKE" is, in fact, an ancient Sanskrit greeting, "Bho sad ike?" meaning, "Sir, are you well?"

'Bho' is a term used for respectful greeting, similar to 'Aho!'.

'Sad' is a prefix used for 'good things', as in sadguru, sadiccha etc.

'Ika' is a atmanepadi verb meaning 'to be'.

Other forms of this are:
- 'Ike ikaavahe ikaamahe'
- 'Ikase ikethe ikadhve'
- 'Ikate ikete ikante'

Hence "BHOSADIKE" was a popular form of greeting in ancient India, before the Mughals invaded India and prohibited it for some reason.

However some steadfast Indians continued to use this greeting. Therefore, to assassinate this greeting morally, the Mughals gave it profane and vulgar connotations, which unfortunately prevail even to this day.

It is time we revived our ancient Indian traditions heeding to the call of the purists to go back to our ancient way of life.

So say "BHOSADIKE" to all the people you meet and explain to them its true, pure meaning.

Source : Forward from a friend and I am sure this is all rubbish

Rajesh Khanna in Heaven

Banking Logic

Are we too trusting with our bankers as many of whom are crooks? That is a good question we should all be asking the bankers...

 
Here's one about the old native American who went to a bank for a loan for $500...

The bank's chief cashier pulled out the loan application, "What are  you going to do with the loan money?"  "Make jewellery and take it to city and sell it," was the response.  "What have you got for collateral?" 
"Don't know collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."  "How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."

However, finally the banker decided to sanction the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out  several rolls of $ 100 bills,

"Here to pay back," he said. He then handed the banker only the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Keep in my teepee."  

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the cashier asked.
"Don't know deposit."

 "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."





The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

Stock Market

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

 

"Absolutely,"

The man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

 

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

This is how stock markets work!!!

Mechanic Vs. Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his
shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a
look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc,
can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was
working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So
Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair
any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just
like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really
big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the
mechanic..."Try doing it with the engine running."

Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di Hai Ki

Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chalya Karenge


Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako




(What An Idea Sir Ji)

Katie Holmes Grew Tired of Workaholic Tom

Katie Holmes had reportedly grown tired of estranged husband Tom Cruise always putting work before family and knew she and daughter Suri would never be his priority.

Katie Holmes had reportedly grown tired of Tom Cruise always putting work before family.

The former 'Dawson's Creek' actress - who filed for divorce from the 50-year-old actor last week - was said be fed up with how Tom was often away from home and never made her or their six-year-old daughter, Suri, his priority.

A source said: "They had problems for a while. His career came first, and Katie was no longer happy. She wanted him to stay home and spend time together. But Tom has always been a movie star, he knows nothing else. This is a good father and good husband, when present, but ... the work comes first."

Katie, 33, was also keen for little Suri to have a normal childhood and knew if she stayed with Tom she wouldn't be able to because he is such a big follower of the controversial religion Scientology.

The source added to E! Online: "She left him because she wanted a better life for herself and her daughter. Suri has no friends. She has no normal life, and it became increasingly obvious, as she got older.

"Katie wants a project where she will remain in a fixed location, where Suri will go to school, have friends, meet children to play, all these things she doesn't do right now. Katie was unhappy in her marriage, so she decided to end it so that her daughter had a happier life."

It has been claimed Katie left Tom as she feared he wanted to send Suri to a boot camp for the cult religion.