Balls

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And....
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

Pyaasi Ladki ki shayari

Tod Kar Ye Sari Duniya Ke Bandhan Aur Asool,
Main Aaj Teri Baahon Mein Aana Chahti Hun,

Bhul Ke Sharm Aaj Tere Badan Se Lipat Kar,
Apne Hoth Tere Hotho Se Milana Chahti Hun,

Utaar Ke Apne Makhmali Tan Se Saare Kapde,
Mein Aaj Tere Bister Ko Sajaana Chahti Hun.

Dikka Kar Tujhe Apni Chhati Ka Haseen Nazara,
Usey Aaaj Tere Hathon Se Dabwana Chahti Hun.

Aaj Apni Dono Taangon Ko Khol Kar Thoda Sa,
Tumhe Apni Sharm-Gah Dikhana Chahti Hun.

Meri Sharm-Gah Ko Sehlana Apni Zuban Se,
Iska Lutff Main Bhi Aaj Uthana Chahti Hun.

Mujhe Tum Bistar Pe Leja Kar Ragad Daalo,
Kyuki Aaj Mein Sirf Chudwana Chahti Hun

Faansi Ki Saja

Mujrim Ko Fansi Ki Saja Sunane Ke Baad Judge Ne Us Se Puchha


Judge: “Koi Akhiri Khawish?”


Mujrim: “Aap Ki Beti Se Shaadi, Blackbery Bold, Apple I-Phone, 100 Crore Rupaye, U.S.A Ka Visa, 2 Saal Ka Honeymoon Trip, 6-7 Bacche Jo Aapko Nana-Nana Aur Mujhe Papa-Papa Kahe, Aur Main Unki Shaadi Karwa Doon, Uske Baad Aap Jo Bhi Faisla Doge Mujhe Manjoor Hoga”


Judge Zor Se Haste Hue Bola: “Muh Mein Le Le Mera Sale, Meri Koi Beti Hi Nahi Hai, Taang Do Madarch0d Ko Abhi Ke Abhi“

Pakistan's next missile name

Since Pakistan names its missiles only after invaders from Afghanistan who invaded Pakistan,

my idea for next missile name

.













.





















.










.

SEAL Team 6

Sunny Leone in Mughal e Aajam

Agar madhu bala ki jagah Mughal e Azam mein Sunny Leone hoti toh film kaa naam kya hota...















Mooh Mein Orgasm

Dark Knight Rises

Awesome movie !!!


After watching Dark Knight 4 years back, I used to think what could be better than this and how..The way Nolan and heath delivered this unique piece, would it be possible for Nolan to create something bigger than this ? As of now, there seem no way anyone can surpass Heath Ledger's charismatic persona of Joker.

But this time, Nolan again proved that there is no end to excellence. What if Joker is not there, Nolan alone is enough to recreate the magic again. This concluding episode of Batman trilogy has to be bigger, grand and more importantly acceptable to all Batman Fans. And this does delivers as per expectations.

8 years after Batman disappeared; Gotham faces danger to its existence when it is attacked by a fearless masked hunk - Bane. Bruce Wayne has grown old and weak, but Bane is much more powerful hulk trained from same league of shadows; whose only aim is to completely destroy the city. Batman has to rise to protect, but bane breaks him apart and dumps him in a place from where it is impossible to come back. How Batman comes back and saves the city in last moments, how Nolan envelops emotions around every character throughout action packed sequences.. How he surprises us showing many sudden twists at the climax, it is treat to watch.

Yes, it is full of emotions and human values. Even most fearless Bane too has heart

Hans Zimmer's music background is so powerful as expected that it keeps on humming in your mind hours after you left the theatre...

Best performance by Christian Bale. This movie belongs to him unlike its precedent.

It would be foolishness to compare it with other Batman movies.


Must Watch for Batman / Nolan's Fans.

Pranab - Bangali President

Pranab dada will need to improve his Hindi.

Otherwise he will continue to call himself the 'Raasta-potty of India'

Economic Equalizer

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan" All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, ALL FAILED. The professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.     Could not be any simpler than that.
================================================================================================== These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read....  and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

and most importantly.....
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Real Meaning of Bhosadi Ke

"BHOSADI KE"

It may surprise you to know that the origin of the phrase "BHOSADIKE" is, in fact, an ancient Sanskrit greeting, "Bho sad ike?" meaning, "Sir, are you well?"

'Bho' is a term used for respectful greeting, similar to 'Aho!'.

'Sad' is a prefix used for 'good things', as in sadguru, sadiccha etc.

'Ika' is a atmanepadi verb meaning 'to be'.

Other forms of this are:
- 'Ike ikaavahe ikaamahe'
- 'Ikase ikethe ikadhve'
- 'Ikate ikete ikante'

Hence "BHOSADIKE" was a popular form of greeting in ancient India, before the Mughals invaded India and prohibited it for some reason.

However some steadfast Indians continued to use this greeting. Therefore, to assassinate this greeting morally, the Mughals gave it profane and vulgar connotations, which unfortunately prevail even to this day.

It is time we revived our ancient Indian traditions heeding to the call of the purists to go back to our ancient way of life.

So say "BHOSADIKE" to all the people you meet and explain to them its true, pure meaning.

Source : Forward from a friend and I am sure this is all rubbish

Rajesh Khanna in Heaven

Why did Ranbir and Deepika actualy breakup?

Why did Ranbir and Deepika actualy breakup?

They thought,
if ABHIshek and AISHwarya
were called AbhiAsh,

then what wud be RANbir and DEEpika
called...?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Banking Logic

Are we too trusting with our bankers as many of whom are crooks? That is a good question we should all be asking the bankers...

 
Here's one about the old native American who went to a bank for a loan for $500...

The bank's chief cashier pulled out the loan application, "What are  you going to do with the loan money?"  "Make jewellery and take it to city and sell it," was the response.  "What have you got for collateral?" 
"Don't know collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."  "How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."

However, finally the banker decided to sanction the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out  several rolls of $ 100 bills,

"Here to pay back," he said. He then handed the banker only the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Keep in my teepee."  

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," the cashier asked.
"Don't know deposit."

 "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."





The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

Stock Market

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

 

"Absolutely,"

The man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

 

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

This is how stock markets work!!!

The Truth

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heared from her mother that if she will do a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will come to her dreams & give her 3 boons(Varadaan). So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.

Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask.


And, really a "Devi" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.

Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Devi: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Devi: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didn't know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So
whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time ... ): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful girl in the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most handsome boy in the world.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish.

Devi: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Devi: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Devi: Be as you wish.

Think friends,
what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.

Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of the post .....

***********************************
************************************


Dear boys, dont worry, actually what done is something different than what you all think!

Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world's richest and the most handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much intelligent than what we believe them to be

Why u shldn't visit a 5 star hotel

Question: "What would you like to have ...Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?" Answer: "tea please"
Question: "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?" Answer: "Ceylon tea"

Question: "How would you like it? black or white ?" Answer: "white"


Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?" Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk" Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: "Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?" Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "


Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?" Answer: "With sugar"


Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar ?" Answer: "Cane sugar "


Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?" Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water?" Answer: "Mineral water"


Question: "Flavored or non-flavored?" Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst"

Rowdy Rathore---Ashdoc's movie review

Devgad is crying out in pain in pain.....


Because Baapji and his evil minions are ruling the land.....


And if they dont even hesitate to kidnap a policeman's wife to satisfy their lust , what can be said about the condition of the common man.....


And their goons are everywhere in Devgad perpetuatating Baapji's tryanny , even on the raliway station where they bully the passengers into paying huge amounts of money after first taunting them with lewd jokes of course......



The situation yearns for the arrival of a messiah , a protector---who will protect the weak and the meek and deliver justice Akshay Kumar style ( which many times feels like Rajanikant style reverse engineeered for a hindi film , but we will not mind that.....err , did some one say '' mind it '' ? )


And hey presto !!...... even before the fast train coming into Devgad station comes to a halt the deliverer of justice jumps from it ,and his name is police officer Vikram Rathore aka Rowdy Rathore.....


He immediately shows the whole town his mettle by beating the goons on the railway station with sugarcane sticks after stripping them till they beg to him for mercy.......but before that he puts earphones on his daughter's ears so that she hears sweet music while he punishes the goons.....very caring of his daughter our Rowdy......


And then Rowdy Rathore uses some matrix like special effects fights to bring to book Baapji and send Baapji's cruel son into the clouds.....but not before the director has first shown us an item number in Baapji's den with three delicious babes gyrating in tandem......ah ha !!


But Baapji has a powerful protector in the govt minister who helps him and eventually Baapji gets the better of Rowdy and kills him , or so he thinks.....


Rowdy has only one wish in life---to die smiling while doing his duty tweaking his mustache on and on......and so he dies as he wishes tweaking his mustache on and on , but not before he has sent a few bad men to hell where they belong......

So his wish is granted.....


But who will take care of the daughter who cries out for her papa ??

No worries , in the big city is his lookalike Shiva who may be a thief but is going to leave thievery ( already ?? so early in his thief's career ?? ) because he loves the lovely damsel of saris fame and backless blouses fame and above all exposed navel fame---Sonakshi Sinha.....

......And Shiva and Sonakshi will take care of Rowdy's daughter.....

But the audience demands more fights and more entertainment.....

So Shiva steps into Rowdy's shoes and jumps from the train coming into Devgad station just in the same way as Rowdy does before the train stops.....


......And voila !! The terror of Rowdy's name is such that the moment Baapji's goons on the railway station see Rowdy's lookalike stride majestically out of the station , they themselves strip down humbly for a repeat sugarcane beating......seeti anyone ?? no the multiplex I had gone to see the movie in has decent crowd and whistling is not allowed.....


And Shiva sets out to finish Rowdy's task of cleaning the town off Baapji's men.....but not before he and Sonakshi do a vigorous song and dance full of jhatkas and matkas---now thats a must.....


And clean the town Shiva does ; in true khiladi style.....blowing up Baapji's illegal factories boom boom with bombs before delivering the killer punch......


But this does not happen before Sonakshi is kidnapped by Baapji's sidekicks and brought to his den.....

What disappointed me here was that she was not made to dance here----why no '' basanti een kutto ke saamne mat naachnna '' moment ?? whyy ??


But never mind......Sonakshi has already shown us enough of her navel and back to make us forgive the director for this perfidy.....


And Shiva has delivered enough jokes comedy action romance emotion baap-beti ka pyar and dhishoom dhishoom ......







Verdict---maha phaltu


but also full-to masala entertainment.....

Famous Sex Quotes

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Steve Martin

"You know that look women get when they want sex?
. . .Me neither."
--Drew Carey

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have
a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Unknown

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it
kind of hard for him to come out of the closet."
--Bill Kelly

"As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women
and clergymen." -- Rev. Sydney Smith

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date
on Saturday night."
--Woody Allen

"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly
gifted aren't burdened with children."
--Sam Austin

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
--George Burns

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of
getting married."
--Matt Barry

"Leaving sex to the clergy is like letting your dog
vacation at the taxidermist."
--Camille Paglia

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns

Mechanic Vs. Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his
shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a
look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc,
can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was
working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So
Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair
any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just
like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really
big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the
mechanic..."Try doing it with the engine running."

Sabse Pavitra Cheez

Duniya mein sabse pavitra cheez agar koi hai to woh hai aapka ling.


Yeh bahut hi vinamra hai. Hamesha jhuka raheta hai

Yeh bahut hi dayalu hai. Ladkiyon ki goad bharta hai

Yeh bahut hi sadgi pasand hai. Choti si guga mein raat guzarta hai.


Bahut hi aadarniya hai. Naari ko dekh ke khada ho jaata hai

Yeh farishta hai. Chahe jitna bhi modo, marodo, ismein se amrit hi nikal ta hai jis s e duniya chalti hai

agar aap ling dhari hai to iss message ko forward karen

Suhagraat ke agle din

Wife : Jaan , Nashta kar lo ...

Husband : Sex hi nashta hai ... chudai shuru .

Dopahar ko ...

Wife : Jaan , Lunch kar lo ...

Husband : Sex hi lunch hai ... chudai shuru .

Raat ko ....

Husband bedroom mein ghusa to dekha ki wife heater ke saamne taange phaila ke baithi hui hai ...

Husband : arre , ye kya kar rahi ho ?

Wife : Aapka dinner garam kar rahi hu .

World's First Eyeball Tattoo

A Toronto man has been the first to get an eyeball tattoo. Basically, he has turned the whites of his eyes blue.
Corneal tattooing is usually used for patients that have had trauma to their eye, not for this, which is called body modification. 


It took 40 injections of blue ink in order to complete this procedure. Pigment was injected under the top layer of the eye using a syringe. The syringe injected the ink into the eye. At first they had tried a traditional needle with ink on it, but when the ink didn't hold, they switched to the syringe.
The man has reported that all is well so far, but it feels like he has something in his eye. 

ewwwww I can barely stand needles poking me anywhere, but in the eye? I can't even imagine. I wonder what would happen if you decided to change your mind after it was done?

Who here wants to get the world's next eyeball tattoo? Maybe a colorful rainbow would work nicely.

Eyeball Tatoo

Petrol Ke Badte Rate Ko Dekhte Hue Ek News Channel Walo Ne Report Di Hai Ki

Aaj Ke Bad Petrol Pump Par Adult Movies Chalya Karenge


Taki Aap Petrol Bharvate Hue Usi Time Pe Kisi Aur Ko Bhi Chudte Dekh Sako




(What An Idea Sir Ji)

Delux Ward

Ek Neta Ji Hospital Ka Survey Karne Gaye

General Ward Mein Dekha Ek Mariz Muthh Maar Raha Tha.

Neta Ji Ne Hairan Hote Hue Doctor Se Puchha: “Ye Kya Hai?”

Doctor Ne Samjhaya: “Is Ka Virya Bahut Tezi Se Banta Hai Hourly Nikalna Jaruri Hai.”

Neta Ji Agle Ward Mein Pahunche

Udhar Ek Nurse Mariz Ka Landd Choos Rahi Thi

Ye Dekh Ke Neta Fir Hairan Hue Aur Doctor Se Puchha: “Ab Ye Kya Hai?”


Doctor: “Bimari Wahi Hai Par Ye Deluxe Ward Hai..

Gashtiyon ka Adda

---

Banta Bhaga Bhaga Santa Ke Ghar Aya Aur Hanfte Hue Santa Ko Bola...

Banta: “Santa, Mai ne Abhi Teri Biwi Ko Gashtiyon (Call Girls) Ke Adde Pe Dekha Tha, Jara Dhayan Rakha Kar”

Santa Rote Hue: “Haye Mere Bhagwan, Meri Gharwali Ko Choot Lene Ki Aadat Kab Se Pad Gayi?“

Mere Laal Mere Sone

Subha Subha Uthte Hi Wife Ka Sex Ka Mood Ban Gaya
Usne Kambal Mein Se Haath Dala Aur Pati ka L*nd Pakad Kar Boli
Wife: “Mere Laal Mere Sone Uth Ja Na”

Husband: “Tune Isko Choot Mein Lena Hai Ya School Bhejna Hai“

Hollywood & Bollywood

Pappu: “Papa Teacher Ne Ek Question Pucha Hai, Aur Kaha Hai Ghar Se Puch Ke Aana”

Papa: “Kya Question Hai?”

Pappu: “Bollywood Aur Hollywood Mein Kya Faraq Hota Hai?”

Papa: “Dekh Beta Jahan Ladki “BOL” Se Khelne De, Wo Bollywood Aur Jahan Ladki “HOL” Se Khelne De Wo Hollywood

Harami Dost ki Kami

Ek Harami Dost Ki Kami Kab Mahsoos Hoti Hai?



Jab Tum Akele Bethe Ho Aur Ladkiyo Ke Group Ko Dekh Rahe Ho



Aur Tumhare Aas Paas Koi Na Ho Ye Kahne Wala













“Bhencho Mammay Dekh”

Abortion

If Abortion is Murder

Men Vs Women Desktops

Desktops Mev Vs. women

Punjabi

George W Bush and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. The both decide to test it by asking a question each. George goes first

"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existant, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"

Gordon Brown thinks "Its not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks "What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.

"Come on Gordon" says George, "Share what it says"

"I can't read it George! Its all in Punjabi!"

Difference between Friend & Wife

What is the Difference between Friend & Wife ?


U can Tell ur Friend "U r my Best Friend"



But Do u have courage to tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

Diarrhea

Top 10 defination of Diarrhea taken from urban dictionary

1. Flaming liquid shit that makes you scream with pain, clench your teeth, grab hard onto the nearest solid object so that you don't get blown away, and wonder how you're still alive when it's over.

2. A poop smoothie.

3. Extreme pooing. Uncontrolled and without warning. Can also be associated with wetness and loud noises. Can be violent or explosive.

4. Smelly runny juicy stuff that comes out of your anus. Fills up your toilet with runny remains and burns your ass. Makes noises when comes out of your butt, like a squirty sound. Stinks up the bathroom and makes you gag when you wipe.

5. The stunningly painful feeling McDonalds spent years of research looking for a way to trigger. It'll get you as soon as you're finished eating and try getting up.

6. When liquid, watery crap comes flying out your ass at high speeds, destroying anything that isn't made of porcelain that gets in its way. Known for causing extreme amounts of pain. Similar to a shotgun, except it hurts the shooter more than the shot. For this reason, I like to call it "Shotgun Shit". Caused by eating too much fast food or anything from a Mexican food stand.

7. WARNING: This is no ordinary crap. Contains a really wide blast radius that will plaster your toilet, and is like eating a habanero pepper only instead it is a liquid projectile being discharged out your ass causing extreme pain like someone blow torched the rim of your ass hole.

8. The brown, and very gooy version of shit that comes out when food is rushed out of your body, usually from overeating fast food like Burger King/McDonalds. Oftentimes known to come out when trying to fart, other times without warning

9. shit that is so wet you have to wipe drips of it off your balls

10. When your ass turns into Mt. St. Helens and spews molten rock and lava from your ass. Depending on what you ate beforehand, the pain endured can range from a mild annoyance to the equivalent of a soldering iron shoved deep into your rectum.

finally, a true story about Diarrhea which is a Liquid shit, lots of farts and pain in the ass. Watch out for it becuse there is nothing you can do agianst it. Here is a description of a really bad case of diarrhea.

Emily was the sexiest girl in the high school. A chubby brunette with a great body. But one day in the first school hour Emilys stomach rumbled. She had diarrhea. It was only by holding her anus tight and squeezing her butt cheeks tight together that she managed to hold it in. Just doing that was painful. Then after a hard day of holding the diarrhea in she rushed home. The boys coming bye on her way home was looking on her butt thinking it was sexy, not knowing that behind these was several liters of diarrhea waiting to be unleashed.

She got home and pulled crying her jeans down and placed her enormous butt on the toilet, just in time. The diarrhea came crackling out with such force that her anus was expanded until a soccer ball would be able to fit in it. Her butt cheeks was ripped long away from each other, and covered in the diarrhea that crackled out of her beautiful ass. Because of that she was screaming in pain and horror. Flies in the bathroom dropped dead from the smell of her shitting. It sounded like a great amount of wet sticky mud that together with compressed air was forced out of a too little hole. The diarrhea was also splatting onto the walls. Long after her stomach was finally empty.

The toilet was filled with shit, still bubbling with her methane gas. The toilet had broken under her bombing butt. She rushed to fix it all and soon the bathroom was good as new. In Monday she came to the school and the boys was thinking that her giant butt was sexy.

What Not To Say To A Naked Man

1. Where’s the rest of it?
2. Aww, it’s cute.
3. Are you cold?
4. Why don’t we just cuddle?
5. Wow, and your feet are so big.
6. Its ok, we’ll work around it.
7. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
8. (Giggle and point)
9. Can I be honest with you?
10. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
11. At least this won’t take long. 
12. This explains your car.
13. I didn’t know they came that small.
14. I never saw one like that before.
15. But it still works, right?
16. It looks so unused.
17. Do you take steroids?
18. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
19. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
20. Aww, its hiding.

Q & A Women Perspective

Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.

Q. Why do doctors slap babies’ backside right after they’re born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

Q. What’s the smartest thing a man can say?
A. “My wife says…”

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals.”

Q. What do you call a woman that works like a man??
A. A Lazy bitch.

Q. What did God say after she made Eve?
A. “Practice makes perfect.”

TOO MUCH ANALYSIS

Two psychiatrists were walking down the hall.

One turned to the other and said, “hello.”

The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that.”

Wait a min. I've done this before

The look says it all

Best Wedding Photo Ever!

Bride and her whores of honor

This Happens only in Japan

Face Recognition Technology

Veena Malik ki kitaab

1 Din Mai Brezier Pehan Rahi Thi K Meri Bhabi Ka Bhai Aa Gaya, Mujhe Itni Sharm Aayi K Mai Ne Brezier Se Apna MoO Chupa Liya

VEENA MALIK Ki Kitab (ANOKHA PARDA)

 

2 Kitaab Or Taangein KhOlne Se Pehle Ungli Par ThOOk Laga Lena Chahiye, Medam VEENA Ki Kitab: Haye Mai Chud Gai..

Chapter: ThOOk K Faidey…

Space

A Secretary Got An Expensive Pen As Birthday Gift From His Boss.

She Sent His Boss A ‘Thank You Note’ Via E-Mail.

But, Her Boss’s Wife Read The Note And Filed A Divorce.

The Note Was

“Your Penis Wonderful, I Enjoyed Using It Last Night.
It Has Extra-Ordinarily Smooth Flow And Firm Strokes.

Initially Its Tip Was To Be Licked To Bring It In Working Order And Then It Was Equally On Both Sides.

I Loved Its Perfect Size And Grip.

I Felt As In Heavens Using It.

I Had Always Desired It And Fulfilled My Wish.

At Last It Is Mine And Only Mine, Forever.

Thanks A Lot.”






Moral: “Space Is An Essential Part Of English.”

Name Change

A Sardarji named Santa was tired of hearing Sardar jokes that so often used the name, Santa. He went to court to change it and appeared before a judge who asked, "Sir, why do you want to legally change your name, are you in trouble, hiding from the law, what?"

"No sir, Your Honor. I'm just tired of listening to jokes about rednecks that often use that name. It's Santa this, Santa that, so I want my name changed."

The judge asked, "And what name do you want it changed to?"

He said, "Candy."

The judge replied, "Candy? Spell it for me."

He said, "Candy, C-A-N-D-Y, Your Honor."

The judge put the name on the papers before him and said, legally, "Your name is now, Candy."

He rushed over to tell his girlfriend. He knocked on her door and heard, "Who's there?"

He said, "It's me!"

She said, "Come on in Santa, the doors unlocked."

He said, "It's not Santa."

She said, "Yes it is, I recognize your voice."

He said, "It ain't Santa no more cause I done legally changed it."

She asked, "What is it then?"

He said, "Guess."

She said, "Banta?"

He answered, "No."

She said, "Than what is it ?"

He said, "Wait, I'll gives you a hint. You holds it in your hand and you puts it in your mouth."

She replies, "Oh!... Come on in, Peter!"

Sunny mujhe kuch khatta khaane ka mann kar raha hai

Female Patient

Doctor to Lady Patient: Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are OK. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.

The lady quickly springs into action, removes her clothes...... 
Doctor: No! No! No! Please put your clothes back on ... just show me your tongue!

Katie Holmes Grew Tired of Workaholic Tom

Katie Holmes had reportedly grown tired of estranged husband Tom Cruise always putting work before family and knew she and daughter Suri would never be his priority.

Katie Holmes had reportedly grown tired of Tom Cruise always putting work before family.

The former 'Dawson's Creek' actress - who filed for divorce from the 50-year-old actor last week - was said be fed up with how Tom was often away from home and never made her or their six-year-old daughter, Suri, his priority.

A source said: "They had problems for a while. His career came first, and Katie was no longer happy. She wanted him to stay home and spend time together. But Tom has always been a movie star, he knows nothing else. This is a good father and good husband, when present, but ... the work comes first."

Katie, 33, was also keen for little Suri to have a normal childhood and knew if she stayed with Tom she wouldn't be able to because he is such a big follower of the controversial religion Scientology.

The source added to E! Online: "She left him because she wanted a better life for herself and her daughter. Suri has no friends. She has no normal life, and it became increasingly obvious, as she got older.

"Katie wants a project where she will remain in a fixed location, where Suri will go to school, have friends, meet children to play, all these things she doesn't do right now. Katie was unhappy in her marriage, so she decided to end it so that her daughter had a happier life."

It has been claimed Katie left Tom as she feared he wanted to send Suri to a boot camp for the cult religion.

Chicken and Egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a
satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Indian Traffic

There are three standards of traffic in India ----- Bad, Very Bad and AhmedaBad ..!! 

Are you doing your part?

The federal government is sending each of you a $600 rebate.

Now, if you spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.

If you buy a software it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.

If you purchase a good car it will go to Germany.

If you purchase useless crap it will end up in Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

So I reckon that the only way to keep that money in the US is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the most popular products still produced in the US.

So!!! Are you doing your part?

RECESSION BLUES

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty
thieves. Ten were laid off.

2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin
and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at
the same rate
.
3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.

4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money

5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to
make a small fortune?

A: Start off with a large one.

6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my
brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now
America's third biggest lender.

7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the
window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.

9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".

Three ducks

Three ducks walk into a bar

‘Say, what’s your name?’ the bartender asked the first duck.
‘Huey,’ was the reply.
‘How’s your day been, Huey?’
‘Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?’ said Huey.

‘Oh. That’s nice,’ said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, ‘Hi, and what’s your name?’
‘Dewey,’ came the answer from duck number two.
‘So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?’ he asked.
‘Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?’

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, ‘So, you must be Louie?’
‘No,’ she said, batting her eyelashes.
‘My name is Puddles.’

Bank Job

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .


She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get Hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."


The Asian lady looks shocked, then says, "Well fluc you white people too"